Lies we tell our kids

 

"This certificate proves you are the most talented child in school! And of course the shoes go with the dress!"

1. No, that wasn’t a candy wrapper you heard.
2. Of course I’m paying attention!
3. No, I’m not eating chocolate.
4. Yes, of course I can see that’s a picture of a dinosaur.
5. Because Mummy has a headache.
6. It’s not morning yet – those are NIGHT birds singing outside.
7. I AM working – it only looks like a Facebook page.
8. I’m NOT laughing at you!
9. Yes, that’s the right way to spell “bryslit”.
10. Oops, how did those paintings end up in the recycling bin? Good thing you found them! Phew!
11. Yes, I promise I will come and check on you when you’re asleep!
12. Because coffee gives you fleas in your stomach. If you’re a child.
13. I know it doesn’t say so on the bottle, but Coke has to be diluted with this much water.
14. They made a mistake when they said on the tin that you should use four heaped teaspoons. They meant ONE flat teaspoon.
15. I didn’t have any chips – I picked up this empty packet outside. Some people just throw their rubbish in the street.
16. I’m sorry, all the cookies are finished.
17. No, I’m sorry, sweetheart, I just don’t have enough money on me to buy that toy.
18. No-one saw you falling down on the stage!
19. Children aren’t allowed in that shop – those are just the rules.
20. They’re called brussel sprouts and they are delicious!
21. Looks like the TV is broken. We’ll ask Daddy to fix it later, OK?
22. Yes, I did ask her mum, and no, unfortunately they already have plans for this afternoon.
23. Don’t be silly, those aren’t onions!
24. Because you’ll get sick if you don’t.
25. Oh dear, I can’t seem to find your Barney DVD anywhere!

OK, that’s enough. Now it’s your turn.