HOUSE SITTING REPORT

HOUSE SITTING REPORT – 28/1/2012

Temperature: Peaked at 32, currently 27,5 degrees.

Wind: Light breeze NE, gusting at 19 thingamajigs.

Prediction for tomorrow: 30+ degrees. Crystal ball predicts chance of rain. Fat chance! I suspect slight device malfunction.

Dogs: All present, happy and healthy. Did toolbox talk and transportation drill. Hard hats worn by no-one. Written warnings issued.

Dogs doing transportation drill. Note absence of safety gear.

Cats: Mrs Johnson camped out on Geelbliksem*. Pluto has gained some weight. Approves of new food, especially sachets. Will get more from vet shop. Putting all on your account. Simba wants to eat Pluto’s special food. Verbal warning given. Mushie not present. No paperwork received re prolonged absence (as usual).

Cats attending Health and Safety Briefing

Fish (inside): All present. Did toolbox talk. No hard hats. Verbal warnings given.

Toolbox Talk with Fish and Snails

Fish (ouside): All present. Health and Safety check.

Plants: Being watered. 21 28 complaints received re “inhumane” working conditions. Legal action may follow. Compensation for families of six 12 deceased oak saplings to be negotiated upon your return.

Snake: Getting hungry. Only to be given live food from now on. Issued written warning re last week’s leftovers. (Maggot report to be completed by next week)

Snake re-reading terms and conditions of leaving food uneaten.

Maggots: All 247 dead. Possible legal action from maggot next of kin. House sitter’s trauma counselling bills to be forwarded to snake.

Contents of fridge: 15 complaints received. To be investigated.

Alarm: No further middle of the night false alarms reported.

House: Needs to be vaccuumed. Under control.

Boat: To be checked tomorrow. Reporting pending.

Neighbourhood: Quiet.  Loud party in ghetto suburb until 4 am.

House sitter: Horny lonely and missing house owner.  

 

* Geelbliksem: Land Cruiser

Erica Neser (c) 2012  

Advertisements

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jumping in Mud Puddles
    Jan 30, 2012 @ 01:15:51

    Too funny!

    Reply

  2. ericanexpress
    Jan 31, 2012 @ 13:24:06

    Glad you enjoyed it!

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: