Things I’ve learnt from my children

  1. They are able to come to your bedroom at night more times than you are able to take them back to their own room.
  2. Standing in a queue at the bank does NOT require patience. Waiting for a toddler to get dressed by herself does.
  3. A movie can still get better after you’ve watched it 25 times (especially if it’s Finding Nemo).
  4. They aren’t cold when you are.
  5. They don’t want to get into the bath. Then they don’t want to get out.

    "Because we're still having too much fun!"

  6. Being on the phone is their cue to try and tell you things, need to pee, climb onto tables, pull their sister’s hair or fall face down into mud.
  7. There will be puddles of water on the floor after bath time.
  8. By the time they can reach the line to help hang up the washing, they’re not peeing in their pants anymore.
  9. As soon as you arrive at the doctor’s office, their fever/purple rash will disappear spontaneously.
  10. A child can sit on a parent’s lap indefinitely, unless you want them to stay there.
  11. Their drool isn’t as yucky as you thought it would be.
  12. They know the difference between a cellphone that works and one that doesn’t. By the time they’re a year old.
  13. They know how to operate the microwave/DVD player/GPS/cellphone before you do.
  14. Sticky hands and faces don’t really bother them.

    Yes, I'm sticky. So?

  15. They will want to pee as soon as you get to the shopping centre.
  16. They will start to resist being kissed long before you tire of it.
  17. When you’re running late, everything takes twice as long.
  18. By the time they’ve figured out which direction to look, whatever interesting thing you wanted to show them will be gone.
  19. No matter how cranky they are after a late night, next time a friend sleeps over, they will beg to stay up late again.

    "We're NOT TIRED and we promise we won't be grumpy tomorrow!"

  20. They will shake the sand out of their beach towel where it will fall on your face.
  21. By the time they are old enough to care that you’re tired, you’re not that tired any more.
  22. They’re not really interested in how well you can sing – they are interested in how many times you can be persuaded to sing the song.
  23. They will fall on their heads.

    It's only a matter of time.

  24. You will turn into your mother eventually. And that is not as bad as you thought it would be.
  25. They aren’t tired when you are.
  26. They are noisy.
  27. The first two weeks you can’t get them to wake up. The next two years (at least) you can’t get them to sleep.
  28. Even the most devoted mother needs to go to time-out sometimes.
  29. Teenagers are not nearly as horrible as people say.
  30. Pets are good for kids but not for furniture, floors and lawns.
  31. They don’t tell you everything.
  32. There are days when you don’t want to be anyone’s mother, let alone these little monsters.
  33. No-one wants sandwiches in their lunchbox.
  34. You will catch yourself humming silly children’s songs.
  35. They behave better at school and other people’s houses than at home. Unless you’re also there.
  36. When they’re really little, they wake up before the sun is up. When they’re teenagers, they go to sleep when the sun comes up.
  37. It gets easier as they get older.

Erica Neser (c) 2012


6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. grammieknows
    Jan 05, 2012 @ 17:10:43

    Boy that was too funny, and I can relate to all your points. I would add #38. You will survive this too! This is coming from a grammie of three (soon to be four). That’s when this fun starts all over again. It’s just a lot easier cause there are two moms looking out for all those things they get into. The current mom and the mom with experiece( the “grammie”) What’s even better is when you are the grammie, you can and do impress them with the smallest of things. My granddaughters tell me often (and I never get sick of hearing it) that their Grammie knows everything!
    Now that I am at that stage, I have taken up a new endeavour with my granddaughters in mind. Check out whenever you get the chance. There is so much “great stuff” out there for kids (and kids of all ages)!


  2. meladjusted
    Jan 05, 2012 @ 18:19:28

    Everyone should read this before, during and after rearing their offspring! Great post!


  3. ericanexpress
    Jan 05, 2012 @ 18:24:31

    Thanks Meladjusted! While searching for photos to go with the post, I thought of many more things, so I think there will be a part 2 here sometime…


  4. grammieknows
    Jan 06, 2012 @ 04:54:49

    Looking forward to part two! As for me I’m onto family 2. All of mine are grown up at 37, 36, 32. Now the grandchildren are taking center stage at 10, 4, 2, and one more on the way…….so much fun!


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