Lies we tell our kids


"This certificate proves you are the most talented child in school! And of course the shoes go with the dress!"

  1. No, that wasn’t a candy wrapper you heard.
  2. Of course I’m paying attention!
  3. No, I’m not eating chocolate.
  4. Yes, of course I can see that’s a picture of a dinosaur.
  5. Because Mummy has a headache.
  6. It’s not morning yet – those are NIGHT birds singing outside.
  7. I AM working – it only looks like a Facebook page.
  8. I’m NOT laughing at you!
  9. Yes, that’s the right way to spell “bryslit”.
  10. Oops, how did those paintings end up in the recycling bin? Good thing you found them! Phew!
  11. Yes, I promise I will come and check on you when you’re asleep!
  12. Because coffee gives you fleas in your stomach. If you’re a child.
  13. I know it doesn’t say so on the bottle, but Coke has to be diluted with this much water.
  14. They made a mistake when they said on the tin that you should use four heaped teaspoons. They meant ONE flat teaspoon.
  15. I didn’t have any chips – I picked up this empty packet outside. Some people just throw their rubbish in the street.
  16. I’m sorry, all the cookies are finished.
  17. No, I’m sorry, sweetheart, I just don’t have enough money on me to buy that toy.
  18. No-one saw you falling down on the stage!
  19. Children aren’t allowed in that shop – those are just the rules.
  20. They’re called brussel sprouts and they are delicious!
  21. Looks like the TV is broken. We’ll ask Daddy to fix it later, OK?
  22. Yes, I did ask her mum, and no, unfortunately they already have plans for this afternoon.
  23. Don’t be silly, those aren’t onions!
  24. Because you’ll get sick if you don’t.
  25. Oh dear, I can’t seem to find your Barney DVD anywhere!

OK, that’s enough. Now it’s your turn.


14 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Lindie Bezuidenhout
    Dec 14, 2011 @ 11:05:34

    My baby is not yet at the age where telling lies (or truths) will mean anything, but I sure have learned a few handy ones from the above for someday. Thanks Erica. 😉


  2. meladjusted
    Dec 14, 2011 @ 11:44:13

    I am so glad that I’m a good liar – it makes me an Excellent parent – I’ve got a couple of gems – I’m going to put them in a post and we can go back and forth with links between the two of them. Although, maybe here in your comments section, I’ll get more ‘views’…… Bwhahahahahaha!


    • ericanexpress
      Dec 14, 2011 @ 13:31:43

      Why not post them on your blog, then put the link in the comments section? You have my permission. And anyone else who would like to post a list of lies can do the same, I don’t mind! The more the merrier! 🙂


  3. meladjusted
    Dec 14, 2011 @ 11:47:10

    o doggarnit – I meant I’m a good parent and it makes me an excellent Liar! oh dear I think my slip is showing 😉


  4. bullyadragon
    Dec 14, 2011 @ 16:37:55

    I’ve told all of those.. Too bad mine are getting old enough to see through lies.


    • ericanexpress
      Dec 14, 2011 @ 19:36:52

      Mine too. I showed this post to my 16 year old, figuring she’s over the recycled paintings etc, and she said, “I feel betrayed!” She was laughing out loud all the way through reading it so I assume she’ll be fine. I told her these will be useful to her one day, it’s a valuable lesson…


  5. Rob Rubin
    Dec 14, 2011 @ 17:41:46

    Hmmmm….mommy tells Daddy she has a headache a lot too.


    • ericanexpress
      Dec 14, 2011 @ 19:35:03

      Hmmm yes well… or, as we say in South Africa, “Yah well no fine.” (which means nothing, really)

      Next post: lies we tell our spouses. Then: lies we tell our parents. Then: lies we tell our boss. Then: lies we tell ourselves…. this could justify an entire new category on my blog!


  6. meladjusted
    Dec 14, 2011 @ 21:28:26 – is that it? Did I just put what they’re calling a ‘short link’ to my blog in your comments section? Shameless self promotion – oh my word, what would the Elders say 😀 – who cares! They lied to us too!


  7. ericanexpress
    Dec 14, 2011 @ 21:39:26

    Yes, that works. Well done! I would like to take this opportunity to encourage everyone on this stream to visit meladjusted’s list of lies (see link above) – you will see she is much more creative in her lying than I am! x


  8. sally
    Dec 20, 2011 @ 08:21:17

    It’s in the wash. (Referring to that too small tatty dress that she just won’t give up!)

    Eating cucumber in bed will give you nightmares.

    Yes this really will cure your sore legs (giving her tissue salts and not panado)

    Yes I did find the mozzie. Go back to sleep.

    Don’t touch that – it’s dirty.

    Sorry I don’t have the Hannah Montana CD in my car anymore…


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: