Travelling with Boys (part 3)



We are visiting Moonman’s father, a charming gentleman known affectionately as “The Font” (Of All Knowledge).  A favourite grandfather/father/son activity is listening to the Fart Generator on The Font’s computer. The four boys, aged between 12 and 83, nearly wet themselves laughing. And when The Font has to get up from his chair, a few helping hands are required, and Moonman ensures that a loud farting noise is heard just as The Font pushes himself up. Everyone collapses, laughing themselves silly. The Font says, “Oh stop it!” but he is chuckling so hard that he flops back onto his seat. The fart noises are repeated at every attempt, which means the whole process has to be repeated several times.

The Font is a legendary teller of stories, we are often entertained by elaborate tales from a bygone era. There was the time The Font was travelling with his family from Hamburg to somewhere deep in Africa, where they were living. Mrs. Font has bought meters upon meters of fabric to make curtains back home. Problem is, when the fabric is added to their luggage, they are hopelessly overweight. The Font comes up with an ingenious plan: he wraps the material round and round and round himself, and then puts his clothes on. They step aboard. The Font, now a rather portly man, sits down stiffly and waits. Some time into the flight, he goes to the bathroom. Eventually, The Font emerges, having slimmed down rather drastically behind closed doors, carrying a big bag.

Then there was a particularly memorable boat trip. A fancy dress party is held for all the passengers. The Font goes as a snake charmer.


When he reveals the snake, passengers and crew are shocked to see a real, living snake in his hand. This is The Font’s pet ball python. Some screaming follows and some of the more delicate ladies threaten to jump overboard. This is Trouble with a capital T. Details on how exactly The Font escapes punishment are vague.

“Suffice to say, the Captain was not amused….” the Font says with a naughty grin.


Erica Neser (c) 2011


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